All pictures via Google Images
What's up cable television? Didn't want to play any reasonably scary movies this Halloween weekend? Jaya and I spent most of the weekend talking about and watching terrible movies. Here's a list of the sad, SAD movies we endured this Halloween and All Saints Day (blaaagg... dry heave. you'll see why) holiday: +Halloween (2007 Rob Zombie version): We caught the movie about an 30 minutes in and it wasn't horrible, I guess, but J and I realized we like our killings done with more "passion" and to be a bit more gory. Stabby-stab doesn't do it for me anymore. +The Uninvited: YAAAAAWWWWNNNN fest. We actually watched the entire movie and alls I got to say is, STOP TRYING TO REMAKE ASIAN HORROR FILMS, AMERICA!! Just watch the Korean original, "A Tale of Two Sisters." It gets confusing as shit somewhere towards the end but it's still miles better than facial close-ups of that "Lemony Snickett" girl mouthbreathing. +The Messengers: YAAAAAWWWWNNNN fest pt. II. We watched only 3/4 of the movie and that was more than enough to make me want to slit my wrists. Why, in the year 2006, would anyone, especially a family, hire A DRIFTER? And I totally called out the "Kristen Stewart got drunk and muted her baby brother" plot story five minutes into the opening scene. +Boondock Saints Part II: All Saints Day: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! We didn't watch it but we talked about the first one and the newly released (and "highly anticipated") sequel over lunch and NO THANK YOU JAYA. I'll wait for it to become a "cult success" first, Troy Duffy. +Death Race: J was too angry and tired after all that bad movie watching to stay awake for the only watchable film (save for Halloween 2007- I'll rent and watch the entire movie another time) I saw this weekend. It's got Jason Statham doing what? SURPRISE: Racing cars. I get it and he does it well (not with the emoting, just the whole racing cars deal). An Tyrese Gibson as a possible gay prisoner/racer/friend who DEFACES HIS FACE WITH HASH MARKS? I get it. If I can watch Cannonball, I can watch anything. Count me in. Up next, Suspiria!